F is for Flatus

Today is day 15 of 18 and the end is in sight! I had a horrific weekend. It was very busy and I was doing the short stay ward which is linked to the A+E. Basically a dumping ground for anyone slightly complicated who needs a work up with a few drunk fuckers thrown in for good measure.

I was seeing a gentleman (euphemistic to the highest degree), who was in his 60s and had been found drunk on the side of the road. Before reaching the cubicle he was in, his odour was wafting out to greet me. It was a mixture of homeless, dunk and poo all mixed into one. The head nurse had already told me a story about the patient in the handover. He had soiled himself and was found in the bathroom trying to clean himself up. He was licking pieces of toilet paper and then wiping himself and then licking the same piece again. YUM!

After giving him the quick once over, I then asked him if he had any other problems. He told me there was blood coming from his bum. FUCK! I wish I could just ignore this, but this complaint involves me now needing to do a PR (rectal exam) on this smelly person. I went to get the gloves and jelly. I asked him to lie on his side and lifted the sheets. I noticed a large ulcer on his bum and moved closer to look. Mistake number 1. As I had my face in close proximity to this area, said gentlemen emitted a large amount of flatus, right into my face. He. FARTED. In. My. Face!!!!

I have seen a lot but this has NEVER happened to me before. I retreated and when I thought he was finished I lent in again for a closer look. Mistake number 2. He. FARTED. In. My. Face. AGAIN! My junior was literally pissing himself from the sanctity of the end of the bed. This day had just become shit.


Hope you had a flatus free weekend!


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