Dukan Fail

I have been avoiding writing this post, because to write it means I am admitting defeat.

Dukan Diet = epic fail

I really did try and I do have excuses, even though they are still just excuses.

My excuses:

1. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when in Belgium in the middle of nowhere at a rock festival where they only sell beer, sausages and glorious frites smothered in mayonnaise.

2. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when in Spain on la Rambla or in Mallorca when you are faced with a menu of wonderful paellas (which I ate everyday for 10 days straight)

3. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when you just don't feel like it because if you eat one more slice of turkey breast or one more flippin hard boiled egg.....you might just chunder 2 weeks worth of protein that dumbass Mr Dukan has suggested you eat.

I know....I've gotten to the anger stage. Now I am just in the I-will-eat-whatever-I-please-Mr-Dookey-Dookan.....childish I know!




LMM

xoxo

Dukan Disasters

It is Day 7 today and things are were plodding along nicely until the weekend. The sheer joy I have experienced at eating salads and veggies is totally out of proportion.

Yesterday we went to a good friend's baby shower. There were snacks. Of the carbohydrate nature. And cupcakes. And pita bread. I was dying a slow and painful death inside! The Boyf was having his own internal war. All The Boys were drinking BEER!

I did allow myself to be taken in by the Carb Monster and had a pita bread and a few fries........gulp.

The Boyf decided to stick to whiskey....the healthy choice. Pouring back the whiskeys at a steady pace, lead to the incongruous feeling of merriment at a baby shower :)

Anyway the evening ended with me feeling guilty and The Boyf cooking ALL the meat in our fridge at 00:00am in his state. I woke up this morning to the stench of meat............burnt meat. Oil splattered everywhere, a blocked sink and a snoring Boyf. Let us just say that we need a better strategy for public dining!

On another happy note. Tomorrow is Little Miss Medic's 100th post, so look out tomorrow for a fabulous giveaway that could be yours.

TTFN

LMM

xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 4 and Patient X

Today The ATTACK PHASE is over....whoop whoop!
This means that I get to add vegetables.........not potatoes though :(

Phase 2 - Cruise Phase

This is where you are supposed to continue losing weight at a steady pace. My cruise phase is going to last 28 days (depends on how much weight you have to lose). In this phase you alternate between protein only days and protein + veg days. I have chosen to do a ratio on 1:1, alternating the days as 5:5 would kill me.

So far I have lost 2 kgs and am excited to see how the next phase goes. This means that no carbs will touch my lips for 31 days...................ok, except my little sushi cheat.

Enough about the diet........



The other day I had a sixty-something year old man come to see me. He wanted STD testing....surprise, surprise! I waited for him to begin his ramble of how he did something stupid and it only happened once and he has been ridden with guilt......blah BLAH BLAH!

But he didn't..........

Patient X: I travelled to Hong Kong recently and at my hotel I went for a massage.

LMM: Yes.... (massage seems to be the euphimistic term for getting it on)

Patient X: I had only booked a back massage and suddenly during the massage, the woman licked her fingers and inserted them into my anus.

LMM:.......gasp......(jaw drops to floor)

Patient X: I was so shocked at the time and immediately left. I have been worrying about it constantly since then and if they do this kind of thing, they must surely do other things. This led me to think that I might have contracted an STD.

LMM: The risk is low, but it definitely is a possibility. I would suggest testing.

Patient X: Is this a common practice? Am I so out of the loop that I misunderstood what a massage means?

LMM: No, not at all. But some of these institutions cater for other things as well and being Asia, they obviously assumed a man having a massage on his own, would want that.

Patient X: Well I felt violated and was horrifed!

LMM: I understand.................................

5 minutes later he was on his way, anus swabbed, and feeling better. His results came back clear and he would definitey think twice about getting a massage in the future.

Shame...poor guy..........


LMM


xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 3

The rest of yesterday was the worst day yet! I tried to survive on only yoghurts as the thought of eating more meat made me want to chunder. I was naughty and bought sushi on the way home. It only has a "TINY" bit of rice. Probably why when I stepped on the scale again this morning....

NADA




Nought




Zero




Niks..............................still the same weight.....sigh........


So you're probably getting bored of me talking about how I can't eat any more protein and rambling on about this stupid diet...........so I'll stop.


Instead enjoy this.........

I can watch this over and over and its always still funny.


Have a great Youth Day South African's!


LMM

xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 2

If you haven't read Day 1, click here.



The meat is killing me.....literally!!!!!

I cannot force another little piece into my mouth.....NO MORE!


The rest of Day 1 was painful. For lunch I had grilled chicken breast, some ham and prawns. I ate one prawn and almost vomitted, so the rest got binned. Nausea and seafood don't really go well together. Have been feeling really dehydrated but am drinking shitloads and peeing like a donkey.

I barely made it through the day. Was feeling so tired and almost fell asleep while a patient was describing how some prostitute shoved her fingers up his bum.......

Went for dinner at a friend's house and had prewarned her about evil Dukan Dookie. She had also been following the diet and we had amazing kebabs and trout. (Thanks Cath!)

Yesterday I lost 1 kg, this morning I got on the scale and...........NOTHING!........not even 100g.......FUCK! Not sure if I can do this with no results. This sucks! I know its only Day 2 but it feels like Day 22 and I am getting ahead of myself by thinking of Day 7....ARRRGGGHHHHH!

No meat for breakfast, it really cannot be done. I had a yoghurt and stuffed my work bag with more yoghurts in preparation for my avoidance of meat.

Note: Vegans be warned.....you might DIE! if you do this diet! Literally!

Have you done any diets resulting in death?

LMM

xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 1

I have decided to try the Dukan Diet. The Dukan Diet was started by French nutritionist Pierre Dukan and has been followed by J-Lo, Gisele and Pippa Middleton. I am doing it partly for weight loss and also partly because my diet consists almost ONLY of carbs, which can't be a good thing.

Phase 1 is the Attack phase and lasts 5-7 days. It involves eating only protein. Lean meat, eggs, fat free yoghurt and oat bran, are the only things you are allowed to consume. Tea and coffee is allowed, but only with skim milk and sweetner. Other than that you can drink water and diet drinks.

The next phases involve bringing in vegetables, whilst still keeping some days as protein only days. And then slowly introducing carbs back. It sounds like an easy enough diet.

"1 – A brief and headlong ATTACK phase with immediate results. During this phase, the diet is made up of 72 high-protein foods enabling quick weight loss.
2 - A CRUISE phase leading to the True Weight. During this phase, the diet alternates Pure Protein days (PP phases) and Proteins accompanied with 28 recommended Vegetables (PV phases).


3 - A CONSOLIDATION phase of 10 days per kg lost which prepares for the return to a balanced diet. Monitored freedom with a target of establishing this freshly conquered and still vulnerable ideal weight. This phase sees the gradual return of pleasurable foods with two festive meals.


4 - A definitive stabilization phase based on 3 simple, concrete, easy but non-negotiable measures. This phase is both the easiest and most essential in our slimming method because 95% of people who follow a diet put back on the weight they have lost. "

I started last night by going to Sainsbury's after work. In my basket I had lean mince, chicken breasts, ham, prawns, salmon, smoked salmon, eggs and fat free yoghurt. Dinner wasn't too bad, we had meatballs and prawns. They don't really go together but they tasted fine.

This morning I could not face eggs and was pining after my ususal Special K. I settled on fat free yoghurt.

O9h50: I am starving! I can't even have my normal tea with 2 sugars and instead am drinking peppermint tea.
Thinking of lunch makes me want to be ill......prawns, ham and cooked chicken breast.......YUM....not!
I just want a sandwich, a muffin........something normal, which doesn't involve eating animal flesh.

On the up side I have lost 1kg in one day.

We will see how the day progresses, hopefully my willpower is strong enough.

What do you think of the Dukan Diet?


LMM

xoxo