Rockwerchter 2011

Hello my lovelies.

I am off to Belgium for a week and will not be posting :( Promise to update you when I am back. Am going to Rockwerchter, an awesome music festival just outside Brussels. Headliners are the likes of Coldplay, Kings of Leon, Arctic Monkeys, Linkin Park......just to name a few. We will be camping for 4 nights......not sure how that will go, but I am armed with dry shampoo and enough baby wipes for quadruplets.

Chat soon




Julie and Julia

I finished this book a few weeks ago and absolutely loved it. It is the true story of how Julie Powell decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook in one year, whilst blogging about it.

"Government drone by day, renegade foodie by night. Too old for theatre, too young for children, and too bitter for anything else, Julie Powell was looking for a challenge. And in the Julie/Julia project she found it. Risking her marriage, her job, and her cats' well-being, she has signed on for a deranged assignment.
365 days. 536 recipes. One girl and a crappy outer borough kitchen.
How far will it go? We can only wait. And wait. And wait...
The Julie/Julia Project. Coming soon to a computer terminal near you."
~~ Julia Powell
Sunday, August 25, 2002

Julie Powell and her gimlet making husband live in New York. She has a rather dull desk job and decides to take on this great task in order to add more meaning and lustre to her life. Not being able to cook properly and doing it in the mouldy shamble, that is their flat, makes for a highly amusing read. Her wit and sharp passages give one a Sex in The City feel, all the while retaining the wholesomeness of the food.

I would definitely recommend this book.....with a few snacks on hand.




Return of..........

You will never guess who came back to the A+E the other night............



Cyclops Girl

If you don't know who she is, quick recap here for her first visit.

I wasn't the lucky/unfortunate doctor who got to see her this time, but I immediately rushed to get the lowdown from my colleague.

It was the same story. Severe headache behind the right eye although this time her weapon of choice was a knife. She had sliced the right side of her face open. I could not believe it.......

She was admitted and referred to Psych and Neuro. I really hope she gets help.......




LMM's 100th Post

So today is my 100th post and I have come a very long way.........here is my very first post.
So in honour of this and my loyal followers, I will be having a fabulous giveaway. These are a few of my favourite things at the moment that I have decided to buy for you....I hope you like them!

Crabtree make the best creams and soaps ever! La Source is one of my firm favourites and this handy tube can be kept in your handbag to keep your hands soft all day long.

Rimmel have designed a new type of nailpolish that comes with an extra wide brush. It means that you can paint one nail in 2 strokes and avoid unsightly ridges. This colour is a dark pink which I have on my toes at the moment. FAB!

I haven't had the chance to try out this new mascara from Rimmel, but the packaging is just so great....hot pink :)

A friend of mine living in Zimbabwe has hand made this! It is a solid silver heart on a purple string and proceeds go to children in need in Zimbabwe. If you aren't lucky enough to win this, contact me if you would like to buy some.

So that is the giveaway! All you need to do to enter is become a follower of my blog. Then make a comment below telling me you are a follower and what you like/dislike/love about my blog. The winner will be announced on the 4th of July.

Good Luck!




Dukan Disasters

It is Day 7 today and things are were plodding along nicely until the weekend. The sheer joy I have experienced at eating salads and veggies is totally out of proportion.

Yesterday we went to a good friend's baby shower. There were snacks. Of the carbohydrate nature. And cupcakes. And pita bread. I was dying a slow and painful death inside! The Boyf was having his own internal war. All The Boys were drinking BEER!

I did allow myself to be taken in by the Carb Monster and had a pita bread and a few fries........gulp.

The Boyf decided to stick to whiskey....the healthy choice. Pouring back the whiskeys at a steady pace, lead to the incongruous feeling of merriment at a baby shower :)

Anyway the evening ended with me feeling guilty and The Boyf cooking ALL the meat in our fridge at 00:00am in his state. I woke up this morning to the stench of meat............burnt meat. Oil splattered everywhere, a blocked sink and a snoring Boyf. Let us just say that we need a better strategy for public dining!

On another happy note. Tomorrow is Little Miss Medic's 100th post, so look out tomorrow for a fabulous giveaway that could be yours.





Happy Friday!

My day has just been made!!!!!

I won a book on Paige Nick's gorgeous blog. I am so thrilled and excited, as I wanted to read this book anyway. It is her first novel, A Million Miles From Normal.

Hope something exciting happens to you today!

For my last winning...click here



Dukan Diet Day 4 and Patient X

Today The ATTACK PHASE is over....whoop whoop!
This means that I get to add vegetables.........not potatoes though :(

Phase 2 - Cruise Phase

This is where you are supposed to continue losing weight at a steady pace. My cruise phase is going to last 28 days (depends on how much weight you have to lose). In this phase you alternate between protein only days and protein + veg days. I have chosen to do a ratio on 1:1, alternating the days as 5:5 would kill me.

So far I have lost 2 kgs and am excited to see how the next phase goes. This means that no carbs will touch my lips for 31 days...................ok, except my little sushi cheat.

Enough about the diet........

The other day I had a sixty-something year old man come to see me. He wanted STD testing....surprise, surprise! I waited for him to begin his ramble of how he did something stupid and it only happened once and he has been ridden with guilt......blah BLAH BLAH!

But he didn't..........

Patient X: I travelled to Hong Kong recently and at my hotel I went for a massage.

LMM: Yes.... (massage seems to be the euphimistic term for getting it on)

Patient X: I had only booked a back massage and suddenly during the massage, the woman licked her fingers and inserted them into my anus.

LMM:.......gasp......(jaw drops to floor)

Patient X: I was so shocked at the time and immediately left. I have been worrying about it constantly since then and if they do this kind of thing, they must surely do other things. This led me to think that I might have contracted an STD.

LMM: The risk is low, but it definitely is a possibility. I would suggest testing.

Patient X: Is this a common practice? Am I so out of the loop that I misunderstood what a massage means?

LMM: No, not at all. But some of these institutions cater for other things as well and being Asia, they obviously assumed a man having a massage on his own, would want that.

Patient X: Well I felt violated and was horrifed!

LMM: I understand.................................

5 minutes later he was on his way, anus swabbed, and feeling better. His results came back clear and he would definitey think twice about getting a massage in the future.

Shame...poor guy..........




Dukan Diet Day 3

The rest of yesterday was the worst day yet! I tried to survive on only yoghurts as the thought of eating more meat made me want to chunder. I was naughty and bought sushi on the way home. It only has a "TINY" bit of rice. Probably why when I stepped on the scale again this morning....




Niks..............................still the same weight.....sigh........

So you're probably getting bored of me talking about how I can't eat any more protein and rambling on about this stupid diet...........so I'll stop.

Instead enjoy this.........

I can watch this over and over and its always still funny.

Have a great Youth Day South African's!




Dukan Diet Day 2

If you haven't read Day 1, click here.

The meat is killing me.....literally!!!!!

I cannot force another little piece into my mouth.....NO MORE!

The rest of Day 1 was painful. For lunch I had grilled chicken breast, some ham and prawns. I ate one prawn and almost vomitted, so the rest got binned. Nausea and seafood don't really go well together. Have been feeling really dehydrated but am drinking shitloads and peeing like a donkey.

I barely made it through the day. Was feeling so tired and almost fell asleep while a patient was describing how some prostitute shoved her fingers up his bum.......

Went for dinner at a friend's house and had prewarned her about evil Dukan Dookie. She had also been following the diet and we had amazing kebabs and trout. (Thanks Cath!)

Yesterday I lost 1 kg, this morning I got on the scale and...........NOTHING!........not even 100g.......FUCK! Not sure if I can do this with no results. This sucks! I know its only Day 2 but it feels like Day 22 and I am getting ahead of myself by thinking of Day 7....ARRRGGGHHHHH!

No meat for breakfast, it really cannot be done. I had a yoghurt and stuffed my work bag with more yoghurts in preparation for my avoidance of meat.

Note: Vegans be warned.....you might DIE! if you do this diet! Literally!

Have you done any diets resulting in death?




Dukan Diet Day 1

I have decided to try the Dukan Diet. The Dukan Diet was started by French nutritionist Pierre Dukan and has been followed by J-Lo, Gisele and Pippa Middleton. I am doing it partly for weight loss and also partly because my diet consists almost ONLY of carbs, which can't be a good thing.

Phase 1 is the Attack phase and lasts 5-7 days. It involves eating only protein. Lean meat, eggs, fat free yoghurt and oat bran, are the only things you are allowed to consume. Tea and coffee is allowed, but only with skim milk and sweetner. Other than that you can drink water and diet drinks.

The next phases involve bringing in vegetables, whilst still keeping some days as protein only days. And then slowly introducing carbs back. It sounds like an easy enough diet.

"1 – A brief and headlong ATTACK phase with immediate results. During this phase, the diet is made up of 72 high-protein foods enabling quick weight loss.
2 - A CRUISE phase leading to the True Weight. During this phase, the diet alternates Pure Protein days (PP phases) and Proteins accompanied with 28 recommended Vegetables (PV phases).

3 - A CONSOLIDATION phase of 10 days per kg lost which prepares for the return to a balanced diet. Monitored freedom with a target of establishing this freshly conquered and still vulnerable ideal weight. This phase sees the gradual return of pleasurable foods with two festive meals.

4 - A definitive stabilization phase based on 3 simple, concrete, easy but non-negotiable measures. This phase is both the easiest and most essential in our slimming method because 95% of people who follow a diet put back on the weight they have lost. "

I started last night by going to Sainsbury's after work. In my basket I had lean mince, chicken breasts, ham, prawns, salmon, smoked salmon, eggs and fat free yoghurt. Dinner wasn't too bad, we had meatballs and prawns. They don't really go together but they tasted fine.

This morning I could not face eggs and was pining after my ususal Special K. I settled on fat free yoghurt.

O9h50: I am starving! I can't even have my normal tea with 2 sugars and instead am drinking peppermint tea.
Thinking of lunch makes me want to be ill......prawns, ham and cooked chicken breast.......YUM....not!
I just want a sandwich, a muffin........something normal, which doesn't involve eating animal flesh.

On the up side I have lost 1kg in one day.

We will see how the day progresses, hopefully my willpower is strong enough.

What do you think of the Dukan Diet?




Patient Crush

People always ask me if I've ever thought a patient is hot, and would I date one. Listen people........this is not Grey's Anatomy. We don't marry patients, ala-Izzy-Stevens-style, and patients usually see you for a problem, which means they are either bleeding, smelly, old or dying. So....to answer the question ...NO!

Until one day.......when I had my first patient crush.

Patient HOT! arrived for a consultation, complaining of small lumps on his torso. Sounds simple enough until......

LMM: Hello I am LMM. How can I help you?

Patient HOT!: Hi, I have this problem with these small lumps that have been developing on my chest.

LMM: OK, let's have a look. Please come over to the examination bed.

Patient HOT!: Sorry if I am a bit sweaty, I ran over here as I was a bit late.

LMM: (giggles)....No problem

(INSERT: Patient HOT! is well, HOT. He is in his late twenties, rides a motorbike - he had a helmet with him- and has the body of a Greek Adonis)

LMM: Do you mind removing your shirt so I can examine you?

(He strips off his shirt to reveal washboard abs and ripped biceps)

Patient HOT!: The lumps are here.........

(He takes my hand and pushes them onto his 8-pack. I can hardly feel anything. I am dizzy. I am now the one sweating)

LMM: Um......Ok......right......

Patient HOT!: Are you OK?

LMM: Yes....um........they seem to be normal lipomas. Small deposits of fat which are completely normal, but you can have them removed if you want.

Patient HOT!: I think I would like to have them removed as they don't look great for my sport.

LMM: And what sport is that?

Patient HOT!: I do Muay Thai competitively and I've noticed that these lumps keep getting bigger.

(He fights. He would fight for me....and protect me....SWOON!)

LMM: Why of course. I can see how it would affect your performance. I can refer you to a surgeon.

Patient HOT!: Great, thank you so much

LMM: Here is your referral. Thank you and good luck.

Patient HOT!: Thanks, Bye

(He leaves the office.)

LMM: Call me!

I spent the rest of the day in a woozy delight. I had a smile on my face and went home that evening and excitedly told The Boyf all about my very first patient crush.

So, YES it does happen. But not often!




The new Su-Bo

Korea has jumped on the bandwagon and started the hit TV show, Korea's Got Talent. They have found a new Susan Boyle. Just a little different.....she's a he....and Korean.....and has a mop of thick black hair..........but the story is such a tear jerker and when he opens his mouth to sing, although not professionally trained, I get goosebumps! Go Sung-Bong Choi!

Get the tissues out!

Have a great weekend.





Some people have the strangest relationships...........

One night I was working in the heart of Kwa-Zulu Natal on the night of the Kaizer Chiefs vs Orlando Pirates FINAL!

For those of you not familiar with the local SA soccer clubs, these are the 2 biggest rivals and when this match happens it can only mean one thing......

soccer + beer = drunk fuckers stabbing each other

drunk fuckers stabbing each other + hospital casualty = no sleep for LMM on a Saturday night

I was prepared! I had my cans of Coke and my Crocs on.

02:00am  I called the next patient in. I had no time to be polite at this time of the night. I had been working for 17 hours without a proper break. I had no time to pee and the only sustenance I got was from the hurried slurps of coke in between patients.

Two men entered the room. They had their arms around each other. They were laughing. They were even still drinking their Black Labels. But.....they were bleeding. Both had lacerations to their faces, heads and arms. But they are BFFs.

I asked them what had happened. Had someone attacked them? Had they been robbed, but come off lucky, still retaining their beers?

Drunk Fucker 1: No Dokotela, this one here drank my beer and so smashed a bottle on his head.

Drunk Fucker 2: No it was my beer!

LMM: You did this to each other?

Drunk Fucker 1 and Drunk Fucker 2 (in unison): Yes!

This may sound like a horrific turn of events, but it happens quite often. Friends are out, they have a few beers, they get annoyed with each other and instead of speaking or arguing, they just stab each other and are BFFs afterwards.

LMM: I need to suture both of you. Drunk Fucker 1 you're first.

Drunk Fucker 1: Dokotela, can you give me something for the pain.

LMM: I will give you a small injection first so that you don't feel the stitches and some painkillers for afterwards.

Drunk Fucker 1: An injection? No! I am scared of needles.

LMM: It's just a small one. Much less painful then being stabbed.

Drunk Fucker 1: No! I don't want it.

LMM: Well we need to do the stiches and it will be painful without anaesthetic.................OK small injection now........No, hold still..........Don't move!.........NO! LIE STILL!

At this point I have nearly injected myself in the eye as Drunk Fucker 1 will not lie still.

Drunk Fucker 1: Noooooooo...........Jesu,save me.............Awehhhhhhhh maaaaaaaaaaa!

Drunk Fucker 2: Bahahahaha......(falls off the stretcher whilst pointing and laughing at Drunk Fucker 1)


Let's just say that I will be sure to mark all the match days off in my diary and avoid being on call on those weekends!




Shrinky Winky

What happens if you have a patient who complains of STD symptoms and when you begin to examine him you can't find his.......................



shrinky winky

It happens.................

Especially when said patient is well over sixty with grey short and curlies, but yet still gets it on when he has an "oriental massage"...........stranger things have happened :)




The new LMM

I'm back from Malta and feeling refreshed and ready to tackle June. As you've probably noticed, I've revamped the colour scheme of my blog (unless you are colour blind or a retard....if the latter....please leave now!) It's a bit bright I know.......But coral is the new IT colour for Summer. Coral is NOT at all related to orange and has no relation at all to Gingers/Ging-ers!

Speaking about Gingers/Ging-ers........I forgot to mention something of vital importance in my previous post........

Gingers can only be "gotten rid of" by drowning

A wranger, needs to be shot in an eye to be killed (good to know)


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