25.5.14

Awkward...



It is not uncommon knowledge that I hate medical students. I despise them like a gardener despises weeds. I literally cannot stand the sight of them.

I do realise that I once was this waste of space that is a medical student, but when you have a lot of shit to do, they really do not provide any reprieve and only seem to create more chaos. They will invariably fuck up whatever you ask them to do!

At the moment I have 3 sixth year medical students working with me, who have meager IQs. Not only are they ridiculously stupid, but they are also extremely lazy, with an astonishing lack of recognising social queues. Let give you an example...

Retard Med Student 1: Wasn't there something you wanted to ask Little Miss Medic? *she says to Retard Med Student 2*

Little Miss Medic: What is it?

Retard Med Student 2: Well, everytime I have sex my vagina hurts afterwards.

*OMFG! I do not have time for this shit! I thought she was going to ask me some dumbass medical question. Fuck it! Now I have to put on my white hat, aka Olivia Pope style*

LMM: Um...well... I'm not sure why that happens...It could maybe be due to a urinary tract infection. Does it happen all the time?

RMS2: I had sex last night *euw* and yip, it happened.

LMM: Well I'm not quite sure what the cause is...Um...Mrs X in ward 6 asked to speak to me, so I must run. Toodles. *fuckers*


Why me? Why do I have to get the retarded ones and the slutty ones?





LMM

xoxo






4.5.14

Timeout



Going back to work has really hit me hard. I have had a constant headache for 4 days now, I wake up with it, it briefly goes away with double strength painkillers and then settles back in a few hours later. I have always suffered from backache, but now it seems to have tripled in severity. So much so, that I have a weekly appointment with a small Chinese lady, who literally beats the crap out of my back with her elbows, hands, knees.....it's amazing!

I also now have started to get hip pain on my right after more than 12 hours on call. My body is literally falling apart. I feel like a complete bag of moans today and hopefully this negative attitude will have lifted by tomorrow. BUT tomorrow is Monday so probably not!

So let me get all my moans out there for today. I cannot fathom how I still have 2 years to go until I am specialised. Give me strength! I don't think I can possibly do this for another 24 months. It's crazy! It feels like my body will definitely not be able to cope.

OK. I'll stop now...







Tomorrow is another day...blah blah




LMM

xoxo




24.4.14

Demonic Druggie


I completely jinxed myself. Last week I wrote a post about how I was working the Easter weekend and that all I hoped for was that I didn't get a tik patient coming in. I just had to bloody say that! (mistake number 1) Why???????

The night (Easter Monday) hadn't been going so badly until at 4am, when everyone seemed to realise the long weekend was over and they could all rock up to the labour ward en masse. At least a half dozen women arrived at the same time. I quickly got my last coke light and told myself it was only 4 hours to go, how bad could the rest of the call really be? (mistake number 2). A clinic had phoned to refer a lady in labour, who was also high on tik. Same shit different day. But this woman, if I can even call her that, was undoubtedly the worst tik patient I have EVER had, and trust me, I've had a few.

She arrived in a wheelchair, screaming. That's perhaps not enough of a descriptive word. She was grunting/screaming like some monster who had just crawled out of a swamp. Her eyes looked wild and she had a facial palsy, probably due to excessive drug use. We quickly got her onto a bed, where she thrashed around kicking myself and the intern (aka The Skivvy) in the arm and chest respectively. We quickly shouted for reinforcements.

Eventually after there were 5 of us holding her, security obvs nowhere to be found, and saw that the head was crowning. The more we tried to get her to open her legs and push, the more she scrambled against the wall, sporadically kicking a leg out at us. For one moment I actually looked at The Skivvy and we both burst out laughing. It was like something out of a demon movie, The Exorcism, like when Marlena was possessed in Days of our Lives (don't act like you don't remember).

Little Miss Medic: Ok, we need you to push so that we can deliver the baby.

Demonic Druggie: Grrrrraaaaaa, arggggghhhhhhh *spitting*

LMM: Listen Lady, if you don't cooperate with us then we can't help you! (mistake 3- aggravating the animal)

Demonic Druggie swipes out with her left grimy hand, scratching my face.

The Skivvy: Oi! Stop that! You don't do that to the doctor! *bless, I've trained him well*

DD: Rrrrhhhhhhwwaaaabbbbbb. Fooooooookkkkkkk jjjjoooooooouuuuuu!

LMM: Sister, you deliver the baby and we'll each hold a limb down.

As the midwife leans forward and examines to see how high up the baby's head is, Demonic Druggie thrusts her hand into the midwife's crotch.

The Skivvy: Oi! You do NOT try to do a vaginal examination on The Midwife!

Eventually the mini human came out, healthy and crying. She literally fell asleep a minute later, not even bothering to acknowledge her new child.




LMM

xoxo




23.4.14

Paddy the Dancing Granny



I am sure many of you have seen this clip on FB recently.

I am such a sucker for a good YouTube video and often run with my phone to find The Boyf yelling, "you HAVE to watch this! No, I swear this clip is the best one EVER!" and I say that every time.

But....this amazing granny is worth the watch.




Un-fucking-believable right? The dips, the lifts, the gasps from the audience.

I just hope I have legs like that when I'm 79.


Happy Wednesday!

LMM

xoxo




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