Mrs Butternut

Today was the dreaded gynae clinic. By far my least favourite afternoon of the week.

Enter Mrs Butternut, a 84 your old lady with Alzheimer's.


Little Miss Medic: How can I help you today Mrs Butternut?

Mrs Butternut: Well, I have this thingy that has been coming out my vagina. And I need some cream for it.

LMM: What exactly has been coming out?

MB: I'm not sure.

LMM: How long has it been there?

MB: 20 years. But it doesn't worry me, I just need some cream as it gets a bit dry.

LMM: OK, well let's take a look and then we can see what needs to be done.

*Mrs Butternut gets undressed behind the curtain. As I remove the sheet to examine her, I see...

                                                                             source

Yip! A huge, fucking butternut-sized mass hanging out her vagina *


LMM: Mrs Butternut, you can not possibly have been walking around with that hanging out for 20 years.

MB: I have. It doesn't bother me. Like I said, I just need some cream.

LMM: This is ridiculous, your whole vagina is on the outside of your body. Hence why it is so dry. It honestly looks like a baby trying to come out. You can not go home like this. I'm going to insert a ring pessary, to hold it up.

MB: I don't need all these fancy things, just some cream.

LMM: Cream is not going to do anything. That's like having a one-legged man in an ass kicking competition.


Now if this story scares you, and you want to prevent a vaginal butternut from happening, don't forget your kegels Ladies!!!!

                                                                       source

And if all else fails, use some cream!


LMM

({})

xoxo

Kegels

Yip it's that time again. Seemed that a lot of people loved my vajayjay post, so have decided to continue from there and teach you all how to do kegels exercises.

Kegels are pelvic floor exercises which you can do anywhere, anytime.

Make the most of being stuck in traffic, ad breaks during your favourite TV programme or even a boring work meeting.

A weakened pelvic floor can be due to having children, being overweight, the aging process and chronic constipation. Kegels can prevent or delay prolapse from occurring. Doing these exercises on a regular basis can also help women achieve orgasm.

How to do Kegels:

Step 1 - identify your pelvic floor muscles (the muscles that stop your stream of urine). See this to help remind you.

Step 2 - empty your bladder

Step 3 - lie down or sit

Step 4 - contract vajayjay muscles for 5 seconds

Step 5 - relax for 5 seconds

Step 6 - repeat 5 times

Step 7 - do this 3 times a day

DO NOT hold your breath, clench your butt, or tighten your thighs whilst doing these!

You can work your way up to contracting for 10 seconds and doing them 10 times a day. Expect to see results in 8-12 weeks.

TA DA! You will then look like this......

xoxo