Demonic Druggie

I completely jinxed myself. Last week I wrote a post about how I was working the Easter weekend and that all I hoped for was that I didn't get a tik patient coming in. I just had to bloody say that! (mistake number 1) Why???????

The night (Easter Monday) hadn't been going so badly until at 4am, when everyone seemed to realise the long weekend was over and they could all rock up to the labour ward en masse. At least a half dozen women arrived at the same time. I quickly got my last coke light and told myself it was only 4 hours to go, how bad could the rest of the call really be? (mistake number 2). A clinic had phoned to refer a lady in labour, who was also high on tik. Same shit different day. But this woman, if I can even call her that, was undoubtedly the worst tik patient I have EVER had, and trust me, I've had a few.

She arrived in a wheelchair, screaming. That's perhaps not enough of a descriptive word. She was grunting/screaming like some monster who had just crawled out of a swamp. Her eyes looked wild and she had a facial palsy, probably due to excessive drug use. We quickly got her onto a bed, where she thrashed around kicking myself and the intern (aka The Skivvy) in the arm and chest respectively. We quickly shouted for reinforcements.

Eventually after there were 5 of us holding her, security obvs nowhere to be found, and saw that the head was crowning. The more we tried to get her to open her legs and push, the more she scrambled against the wall, sporadically kicking a leg out at us. For one moment I actually looked at The Skivvy and we both burst out laughing. It was like something out of a demon movie, The Exorcism, like when Marlena was possessed in Days of our Lives (don't act like you don't remember).

Little Miss Medic: Ok, we need you to push so that we can deliver the baby.

Demonic Druggie: Grrrrraaaaaa, arggggghhhhhhh *spitting*

LMM: Listen Lady, if you don't cooperate with us then we can't help you! (mistake 3- aggravating the animal)

Demonic Druggie swipes out with her left grimy hand, scratching my face.

The Skivvy: Oi! Stop that! You don't do that to the doctor! *bless, I've trained him well*

DD: Rrrrhhhhhhwwaaaabbbbbb. Fooooooookkkkkkk jjjjoooooooouuuuuu!

LMM: Sister, you deliver the baby and we'll each hold a limb down.

As the midwife leans forward and examines to see how high up the baby's head is, Demonic Druggie thrusts her hand into the midwife's crotch.

The Skivvy: Oi! You do NOT try to do a vaginal examination on The Midwife!

Eventually the mini human came out, healthy and crying. She literally fell asleep a minute later, not even bothering to acknowledge her new child.




Paddy the Dancing Granny

I am sure many of you have seen this clip on FB recently.

I am such a sucker for a good YouTube video and often run with my phone to find The Boyf yelling, "you HAVE to watch this! No, I swear this clip is the best one EVER!" and I say that every time.

But....this amazing granny is worth the watch.

Un-fucking-believable right? The dips, the lifts, the gasps from the audience.

I just hope I have legs like that when I'm 79.

Happy Wednesday!




Working Easter

For all of my sins I will be working this long Easter weekend.

I am really not the hugest Easter person, so I don't mind really, just as long as I don't get a tik patient.

They really seem to be coming in droves. I don't know what it? Possibly the fact that it's so damn cheap.
My last tik patient was annoying as all hell...

Little Miss Medic: Miss Tikkie, I know that the pain is severe but when you feel a contraction, I need you to push.

Miss Tikkie: Ek...sob....kan...sob...nie! *ugly cry*

LMM: You can! You just need to listen to me.

MT: You Ma se....

LMM: I am only trying to help you. Swearing won't make me go away.

Contraction starts.

MT: Mommmmmmmmeeeeeee. I......sob...want....sob....my....sob...mmmmoooommmmmeeeee! *ugly cry*

LMM: I can see the head. Almost there. Just one more push.

Miss Tikkie proceeds to put her fingers in her nether regions.

LMM: Don't do that. I just need you to focus on pushing.

She continues to do this and then brings her hands to her face, smearing excrement all over herself in the process.

LMM: I told you not to do that. Now look what you've done.

MT: Fok jou!

LMM: Now listen here lady, do not push me! You have yet to see a white person's inner coloured come out. And believe me it isn't pretty.

Eventually the poor baby came out and was named Renesme. Dear Lord...

Please let there be no Miss Tikkies this weekend!






There are so many amazing things on FB, YouTube and Twitter these days. I find myself spending countless hours scrolling down to just watch ONE more video clip in a half comatose state at 23:33 of a cute kitten or retarded German guy.

But. This has to be the most jaw-dropping amazing clip I have ever seen. Ever.

How she manages to do that so beautifully, one will never know. Imagine waking up one day and thinking, "Ooh. Today I shall paint pictures with sand."

Kseniya Simonova became famous when she won Ukraine's Got Talent in 2009.

Wow! Its up there with Battle at Kruger.

Anyways. Enjoy your Tuesday!





I am completely unashamed to admit that I am COMPLETELY transfixed and obsessed with watching the Oscar Pistorius trial. I know it's sad, it may be sick to some and boring to others. What fascinates me is that real life law is pretty much just how I thought it would be and "being" in the courtroom feels like a privilege. I have always loved The Law and now we get to be at the coalface of one of the century's biggest trials since OJ Simpson.

I think that without a shadow of a doubt one can see that Oscar is slowly or rather quickly digging an even bigger hole for himself. As Gerrie Nel goes through the events of that evening with a fine-toothed comb, even more irregularities become apparent. Why did Reeva lock the bathroom door? Why didn't he check that she was in the bed? Could he see or not? because he clearly knew where the duvet was. Where were those damn fans?

Instead of being diligent and doing my research, I am perched on the couch in my PJs; tea in one hand and remote in the other (to fast forward the really boring parts). I don't want to miss a word, yet another sob from the ever increasingly whiny Oscar, or even a smirk from the prosecution's team. It is the best reality TV I have ever watched.

I know it is morbidly disgusting to be so engrossed in such a tragic event, but it's not the death I am interested in. I am interested in watching justice being served, in seeing someone finally being held accountable for their actions.

I applaud Gerrie Nel and all other prosecutors who go about their everyday job, with a meager paycheck and none of the pizzazz.




P.S: what is that hearing device that his uncle uses? Looks like an alien radio transmitter.


Books of 2014

After reading Lulu's post of her latest reads, I decided to do one of my own. These have been my books of 2014, thus far.

A story about an orphan, a medal, Art, a convent and love. This book really made me want to go back to Spain. ASAP.

The true story of Solomon Northup's life. I really wanted to read this before I watch the nominated Oscar movie. It reads like a diary and although the writing is sometimes simple, I really enjoyed it.

I know this book has been around for a while, but I only read it recently. So far this is my pick for book of 2014. It left me reeling. I was so engrossed in the characters' twisted lives. I think I will definitely read this again one day.

This is a long book. 771 pages. It was on the NY Times 10 Best Books of 2013 List, and I am a sucker for these lists. I had to read it. It has so many stories rolled into one. A love story, and "mafia" type story, a story of friendship......the list goes on. It took me a while to get into it, but I loved it eventually.

What are you reading?




Where the HELL have I been?

I know, I know! I have been terrible at blogging this year. I don't really have an excuse, except that I haven't really had oodles of time to blog. I've even stopped reading other people's blogs *eek*

So a quick recap of what I've been up to...

...been working my behind off

...sleeping as often and as much as I can (due to point 1)

...only just signed up for RubyBox and I freakin' love it!

...still loving Scandal......consider it handled

...am off for the month of April to do my research, hence the renewed blogging.

What have y'all been up to?


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