This Week

...was a week from hell

...I spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday recovering from the most amazing wedding, where I ended the evening by vomming all over myself and The Boyf  *awesome*

...I had a serious case of losers *see above line*

...I am meeting up with my bestie from Zim, a friend from NZ and one from London, at a wedding in White River

...one of my best friend's is having her baby YAY!

...I watched this

...I realised how much I love Homeland.

...I tried to catch up on sleep

...paid someone to do a shift for me *poor face*

What did you do?




Retarded Patients

I haven't seen a retarded patient for a while now. And by retarded, I don't mean mentally challenged, I mean buttfuck stupid!

Little Miss Medic: Hello, Retarded Pregnant Lady, how are you today?

Retarded Pregnant Lady: I am fine thank you.

LMM: So now that you are 36 weeks pregnant, it is routine to do a vaginal swab.

RPL: A what?

LMM: A high vaginal swab, to check for any infections that may be problematic during delivery. So I just need to take a quick swab and then we're done.

RPL: In MY vagina?

LMM: Well certainly not in MY vagina!






I've got jokes, Mr Jokey

Little Miss Medic: Are you sexually active?

Mrs Plank: No. But my husband is?

LMM: I don't follow. Your husband is having an affair?

MP: No. He's sexually active. I just lie there.




Reality Junkie

I. Am. Addicted. To. Reality. TV.

There I've said it.

I am addicted to series too. But my absolute favourite reality shows are any type of singing competition, Keeping Up With The Kardashians(sad I know), The Bachelor, Honey Boo Boo, you get my drift.

This weekend I am on call, for the whole weekend. Luckily it isn't busy. I am painting my nails and watching the latest X-Factor.

How amazing are these people?





Past Medical History. We always ask what medical conditions patients have, because they are often retarded and do not volunteer this information.

Little Miss Medic: So Mr Dumbass, do you have any medical conditions?

Mr Dumbass: Nope. I'm healthy.

LMM: Are you on any chronic medication?

MD: Pharmapress, Aspirin, Metformin, Insulin, Zocor and I forget the name of the other white pill. Do you know which one I mean?

LMM: So you have Hypertension, Diabetes and high cholesterol. Those are all medical conditions Mr Dumbass! And no, there are about a million little white pills, I don't know which one you take.

LMM: Have you had any surgeries Mr Dumbass?

MD: No.

LMM: Can you please move over to the examination bed.

*at this point I notice a LARGE surgical scar over his chest*

LMM: Mr Dumbass, how did you get that scar?

MD: Oh yes, I had a triple bypass last year.

LMM: Again, that is a past surgery. So when I ask if you have had any surgeries, a major cardiac one would be a good reply in this instance!




Blog stats

If you have the priviledge of having a blog, you will know what I mean when I say, looking at your stats can be addictive. This is the page where you can track page views, where your audience comes from and which posts are most popular. But the absolute best part is definitely the keywords, what people type in that may link to your blog. Because I have a foul mouth and write a lot about female genitalia, my keywords are extremely amusing.

lolita cameltoe
breastmilk drinking fuckers
bella twins cameltoe  (go figure)
free lolita cameltoe photos  (what is it with the lolita caeltoe, and WTF is that?)

On google images this is what comes up for "lolita cameltoe"


I don't mind someone pervy coming to my site every now and then, but this just shows that LMM has attracted sickos. Oops!




I heart GC

I love Gareth Cliff. 

Love. Him.

The best part of my morning is driving to work and listening to him on 5fm. His whole team is hilarious and I feel like part of the family. Damon is annoying, speaks incoherently and eats fritos for breakfast. Leigh Ann has huge mammary glands and a drinking problem. Mabale has a new BF and a donkey in Qwa Qwa and Sias is the resident ginger. 

Fucking Brilliant




Mondays seem to be the bane of my life! It was the gynae clinic again today, and after last week, I didn't think I had the strength to get through it.

Little Miss Medic: Hello Mrs Nincompoop. How can I help you today?

Mrs Nincompoop: I have a problem with my lady bits.

LMM: Well, this is the gynae clinic, so you've come to the right place. What seems to be the problem?

MN: I have sewerage.

LMM: I don't understand. Sewerage?

MN: Yes, sewerage. Its coming out my koek.

LMM: You have a vaginal discharge?

NM: Yes, like I said, sewerage.

LMM: OK. What colour is it?

NM: The colour of sewerage

*Crisis! We were getting nowhere!*

LMM: Can you go and lie on the bed so that I can examine you? Please remove your skirt and panties.

*After a good ten minutes, I draw back the curtain and find Mrs Nincompoop still in her underwear. This is a common finding, strangely enough*

LMM: Mrs Nincompoop, I need you to take off your panties.

NM: Why?

LMM: So that I can examine you and take a swab of the discharge.

NM: Are you going to put the swab inside MY vagina?

LMM: Well I am certainly not going to put it in mine!





Miley is Cray-Cray!

I don't know what the fuck Miley Cyrus is on, but whatever it is, it looks like it may be causing paranoid delusions of sexiness. I saw a few of these pics on Twitter today, FFS, this is just disturbing.

                                        I thought this camel toe was bad, until...

                                                             Reverse Camel Toe.


              Yet another crotch grabbing pic......coupled with thumb sucking!?!

                           Someone needs to do a tonguectomy on this chick!


I am completely dumbstruck by all of this. Someone who isn't so dumbstruck and has a lot to say, is Sinead O'Connor, read her letter to Miley here.

There are classier hookers on the side of Main Road.......seriously.

Happy weekend peeps!





The Boyf has decided to do Ocsober (no drinking for the entire month of October). I have decided to be a good girlfriend and join him in this retarded endeavour.

After seeing annoying patients all day, all I want is a glass of red wine.

A big glass.

Maybe two.

Fuck this is going to be hard!

Are you doing Ocsober?


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