Past Medical History. We always ask what medical conditions patients have, because they are often retarded and do not volunteer this information.
Little Miss Medic: So Mr Dumbass, do you have any medical conditions?
Mr Dumbass: Nope. I'm healthy.
LMM: Are you on any chronic medication?
MD: Pharmapress, Aspirin, Metformin, Insulin, Zocor and I forget the name of the other white pill. Do you know which one I mean?
LMM: So you have Hypertension, Diabetes and high cholesterol. Those are all medical conditions Mr Dumbass! And no, there are about a million little white pills, I don't know which one you take.
LMM: Have you had any surgeries Mr Dumbass?
LMM: Can you please move over to the examination bed.
*at this point I notice a LARGE surgical scar over his chest*
LMM: Mr Dumbass, how did you get that scar?
MD: Oh yes, I had a triple bypass last year.
LMM: Again, that is a past surgery. So when I ask if you have had any surgeries, a major cardiac one would be a good reply in this instance!