The other day, whilst a few of us were having a break and drinking some coffee in the tea room, we started off a completely usual conversation for Medics...
Little Miss Medic: What is the funniest thing you have ever seen?
This started off a rapid firing of hilarious stories.
Shy Colleague: Whilst I worked in private I got the most embarrassing phonecall from a gay man, with this high, very gay voice.
Shy Colleague: Hello how can I help you?
Gay Man: I've got a very serious problem you see.
SC: OK, just tell me what is the matter.
GM: Well, I think it would be easier if I just came in and showed you.
SC: Sir, I don't want you to come in unnecessarily, just tell me what the problem is and maybe I can help you over the phone.
GM: Really......um....OK.....I have a dildo stuck up my ass.
SC: Wow, OK.....um.....I think you should come in then.
GM: See I told you!
Gay Man arrives 20 minutes later, with sheepish gay partner in tow. Shy Colleague has meanwhile been going over professional manner in which she will deal with this in her head.
SC: OK Sir, if you could just get undressed, then we can see what we can do about your "situation".
GM: Well I certainly hope you have something that will work.
She lets him get undressed behind the curtain. After a few moments she returns to take a closer look. His ENTIRE anal area is swollen like a turgid, red, water balloon.
SC: Jesus Christ, how long has that thing been in there?
GM: 3 days.
Colleague mumbles HOLY FUCK! to herself.
SC: OK, I am going to try and pull it out.
GM: What the hell do you think we've been doing for the past 3 days? Having a fucking party?
SC: Um...No I suppose not. So what have you tried?
GM: Jimmy here has tried pulling it out. I have tried pulling it out. We've used plumbing pliers, salad servers. We even tried braai tongs.
She realises that the gay men clearly have more experience in this field and that her trying to manually remove it, would be futile. So she decides to phone the surgeon on call, Dr De Kock.
SC: Hi Dr De Kock, sorry to bother you, but I have a surgical case that needs your attention.
Dr De Kock: Alright, what are it? (he was very Afrikaans)
SC: Well it seems I have a patient with a rectal foreign body.
DDK: What kind of FB?
SC: Um.....its a ......dildo.
DDK: A wat?
SC: A dildo.
DDK: Huh? A Wat?
SC: A sex toy, a vibrator.
DDK: Fok it! Ek's nou daar! (Afrikaans for I'm coming!)
You seriously couldn't even make this shit up.