Barney and Friends.......

I don't know what it is with me and drunk people. They seem to gravitate towards me.

Weekend night. In the A+E. My new patient is Barney. Barney has had a ridiculous amount to drink and somehow has been decked in one eye and remembers NOTHING! No surprises there.

I walk over to where he is sitting and quickly glance over my new patient. 1 x blue, swollen eye. 1 x cut on back of head (probably when he fell over after being punched) and 1 x vomit smeared down left side of face.

LMM: So Barney, what happened?

B: I dunno.

LMM: You don't remember anything?

B: Nope!

LMM: Did someone perhaps punch you?

B: Yeah! I fink so (great London accent)

LMM: So you were drinking and then someone punched you and you don't know what happened after that?

B: Yeah

LMM: Do you take any medication?

At this stage he pulls out a Tesco's packet with all his meds inside. I have no idea why he would be carrying this around with him, but who knows what Barney's P of A is. As he rifles in his plastic bag, he pulls out a book and holds it under his face so I can read the title, "Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Programme". It is almost as if he is posing for a photo.

LMM: So how is that going for you Barney?

B: OK, I guess.

LMM: Well it seems that you may have fallen off the proverbial "wagon".

B: Huh?

This could be perfect for a "How not to be a member of the AA" advert.

1. Do not drink and then get the crap kicked out of you.

2. If you do drink, do not leave vomit dribbling from your mouth.

3. If you are found drunk, do not reveal secret AA identity and under no circumstances are you to show anyone your AA book.

So I guess Barney failed on all three points.



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