Yesterday I was on my way home on a train from Waterloo. I was standing next to a 40-something year old woman's seat. On first glance, she looked normal enough and I didn't pay her anymore attention.......until.....
....she started picking her nose. Not just a quick pick, but a digging for diamonds type excavation. It was disgusting to watch, yet I couldn't tear my eyes off her (think car-crash-have-to-look-feeling). I was so horrified! Could she not see that I could see her? See her sticking her podgy finger into her nostril? It couldn't get any worse, until she promtly stuck said podgy finger into her mouth! I couldn't contain myself. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen it. I was incredulous! I wanted to shout out.....
"Hey! I just saw you eat your own booger! That's fucking disgusting. Didn't your Mom ever teach you not to do that, or slap your hand if you did? Shame on you."Instead I just continued staring at the poor woman. She had still not even noticed me. She had obviously decided she had enough and that her nasal passages were well cleansed, as she pulled out her Dan Brown, The Lost symbol, book. I no longer had anything to do, nothing to distract me from the cramped train ride. I glanced at her again. I hadn't expected to be further amused....
She had her book pulled up to her face, it almost touched her "spic and span" nose, a mere 10cm away. She was reading, you could tell, because her head quickly moved from side to side as if watching a tennis match, only that was how she was reading her sentences. She had glasses on so why was she reading like that? Why didn't she just get stronger glasses or bifocals? A blind mole with an affinity for her own secretions! "By George" this was a goodie of a specimen that I had found on the South West train service.
"This is one for the blog!" I quickly made a mental note and scanned her again taking in her bizarre apperance.
8 rings on 3 fingers...........check
weird fuzzy green beret..........check
even weirder flowers on green beret.........check
purple velvet shirt...........check
faux fur coat.............check
clunky shoes.............check (clunky shoes are always a must have if you are in the "strange" category)
As I heard the friendly female voice announce my stop, I was heart broken. This was SO much fun. This had made my day! And how utterly pathetic did that make me seem?
"Farewell velvet-nose-picking-creature!" I whispered.LMM