Psychiatric Hell

                                                                          source

Yesterday I had to go and see a psychiatric patient. I don't usually see these kind of patients, unless they are all kinds of crazy in the labour ward, which is common. This woman gave birth the previous day and had been all kinds of crazy during delivery AND BEYOND! She had threatened to kill her baby and now I had to go and make sure her uterus and vagina were safe. I didn't really care, I just wanted to see her and get the hell out of there.

I had to get directions to her lock up ward. It was in the dark recesses of the hospital. So far away, I had to get directions. I arrived it to find it to be a real LOCK-UP ward, with a security guard to let me in. I was then lead through to a row of individual steel cells. I had no idea how crazy this lady would really be and suddenly I was on the inside of the cell and the nurse had closed the door behind her. EEK!

Said crazy lady was sitting on her bed reading a magazine. She looked harmless, but looks can be deceiving when dealing with the crazies. I slowly went over to her and started to ask her questions about her birth. She rattled on about unrelated things and I quickly did my exam. She was perfectly fine and I made my way to the door to be let out. No one opened up for me. I then started frantically banging on the door, afraid I would never see the light of day. Eventually the nurse opened the barricade and I high tailed it out of there!

Hope that doesn't happen again soon!


LMM

xoxo

Guess Who's Back!

Having just come off doing the last 2 nights, I have had the pleasure of seeing more drunk fuckers and a few of our regular patients! One of my very favourite patients is Little Miss Pin Cushion, who comes in on a frequent basis swallowing needles. Before needles, she used to throw herself off buildings, but way before my time she had an even more shocking/exciting trick up her sleeve. After chatting to one of the senior nurses, who had worked in the unit for over 10 years, I learnt that Little Miss Pin Cushion used to be a nurse and used to inject faeces into her veins. Whose faeces I asked? Apparently her own, but I don't know if that makes it better or worse. How do you collect your own faeces? Did she mix it with water? Anyway...it's gross and the how is not important!

                                                spot the surgical blade bottom right




Off to sleep. Night Night!

LMM

xoxo

Little Miss Pin Cushion

Little Miss Pin Cushion is a 30-something year old female who comes into the Emergency Department every few weeks. She swallows things. Mainly needles, sometimes batteries and even small razor blades.

The scariest thing is that she lives in a Psychiatric Hospital with 24 hour care, yet still manages to get her hands on needles etc.

Before swallowing stuff was her thing, she used to throw herself off buildings and has had over 15 different fractures, with surgery on her leg, arm, lower leg and forearm.

She has had over 100 abdominal xrays...

                                                                 open safety pins

                                                            lots of pins in her stomach

                                                                 more safety pins



Unfortunately the pins/safety pins/needles never perforate her bowel and she ends up going home after she has pooped them out.


Fun times!


LMM

xoxo

First day back at work

After my harrowing experience of eventally getting home from Greece sans luggage, I arrived at work the next day hoping for a relaxed day, so that I could ease myself back into work. NO SUCH LUCK!

My first patient was slightly psychotic and decided to throw her mobile at me (being assaulted on the first day back is never a good omen of things to come). Luckily I managed to duck the approaching missile and it hit the wall, shattering into pieces.

                                                                                         source





I am hoping the rest of the week is slightly better!



LMM

xoxo




P.S: don't forget to enter this week's giveaway!!!

Meet Khuzwayo

Time to meet another legendary patient.................

KHUZWAYO



I met Khuzwayo in 2008, whilst I was working in a Medical Ward. It was supposed to be a stepdown medical ward, but was in fact a psych ward. Khuzwayo was a psych patient. He. Was. CRAZY!

Every morning I would arrive in the ward and prepare to start seeing all the patients. I would start in the front and make my way to the back of the ward. Khuzwayo's bed was at the back, but he could not wait there patiently for me to see him. Every few minutes he would come running up to me. Each day he had a new riddle for me and they went something like this........

Day 1      "Tell me Dokotela, what is the relationship between you and a parachute?"

Day 2      "Dokotela, what is the realtionship between you and paradise?"

Day 3      "One question, what is the realtionship between you and a parasite?"

and so it went on......each day a new question, always with the prefix para-

Initially I would try to answer these riddles, but after a while I would simply ask him to go back to his bed and stop bothering me. Khuzwayo demanded an answer and attention, and if he didn't get either he would unceremoniously, without fail, collapse to the floor and start to have a "seizure".

I call it a "seizure" because it wasn't in the slighest wave, shape or form a real one, but regardless he would start jerking his body and if you were lucky some drool would come out of the corner of his mouth. The first time he did this I called the nurse for some valium and she swiftly told me....

"Eish, that Khuzwayo is a faker. Don't believe his silly ways. Just leave him!"

On any given day, one could see Khuzwayo running around various parts of the hospital grounds. His ward was a lockdown ward, but being somewhat of a Houdini, he would always manage an escape. One day whilst driving towards the gate to leave the Hospital, I saw him lying on the ground, having a "seizure", whilst security gurads rushed to his aid. He had one eye open, to survey the situation and as they approached him, he made a full "recovery" and sprinted away.

Ah Khuzwayo.......

xoxo

Hospital Life

For those of you who have had the "priviledge" of working in a government hospital, you will appreciate these photos (all poached from the Doctors Only group).
For those of you who haven't, don't be shocked.

                                           Pens are the most precious item you will ever own. 

Psych patient, who continued to wander around and get lost.

Patient's forearm. The staples are from all his lacerations.

Death certificates to be filled in after a weekend.

Casualty.

Some nurses are not the brightest.

This came from a patient's pleural tap (fluid around the lung).

No wonder all the files are always "LOST".

2 psych patients, who have been sedated and handcuffed together.

xoxo