Awkward...

It is not uncommon knowledge that I hate medical students. I despise them like a gardener despises weeds. I literally cannot stand the sight of them.

I do realise that I once was this waste of space that is a medical student, but when you have a lot of shit to do, they really do not provide any reprieve and only seem to create more chaos. They will invariably fuck up whatever you ask them to do!

At the moment I have 3 sixth year medical students working with me, who have meager IQs. Not only are they ridiculously stupid, but they are also extremely lazy, with an astonishing lack of recognising social queues. Let give you an example...

Retard Med Student 1: Wasn't there something you wanted to ask Little Miss Medic? *she says to Retard Med Student 2*

Little Miss Medic: What is it?

Retard Med Student 2: Well, everytime I have sex my vagina hurts afterwards.

*OMFG! I do not have time for this shit! I thought she was going to ask me some dumbass medical question. Fuck it! Now I have to put on my white hat, aka Olivia Pope style*

LMM: Um...well... I'm not sure why that happens...It could maybe be due to a urinary tract infection. Does it happen all the time?

RMS2: I had sex last night *euw* and yip, it happened.

LMM: Well I'm not quite sure what the cause is...Um...Mrs X in ward 6 asked to speak to me, so I must run. Toodles. *fuckers*


Why me? Why do I have to get the retarded ones and the slutty ones?

LMM

xoxo

Retarded Patients

I haven't seen a retarded patient for a while now. And by retarded, I don't mean mentally challenged, I mean buttfuck stupid!


Little Miss Medic: Hello, Retarded Pregnant Lady, how are you today?

Retarded Pregnant Lady: I am fine thank you.

LMM: So now that you are 36 weeks pregnant, it is routine to do a vaginal swab.

RPL: A what?

LMM: A high vaginal swab, to check for any infections that may be problematic during delivery. So I just need to take a quick swab and then we're done.

RPL: In MY vagina?

LMM: Well certainly not in MY vagina!

*Dumbass*

                                                                     source

LMM

xoxo

Blondes will be blondes...

I haven't had a really bad blonde moment since my last accidental episode, so I guess it was time for the "stupid" gene to make an appearance again.

Since living in London, I hate to admit it, but I have suffered a bit from the Heathrow Injection. It is almost impossible to find time to exercise when you are doing juggled shift work. It is always dark and going for a run in the dark, is not my favourite past time. That being said, a lot of people do manage to do it, but I am not going to purchase reflective gear and hobble around like flashing Christmas tree just to run 900m (that is all I can manage at this stage). Excuses, excuses!

So I have taken to the eating less route. I am really good! I have cut out chips (crisps) completely, no chocolate, no pizza, no alcohol, lots of fruit, veggies and water. So why have I not lost weight? I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Until...

...I was making dinner last night! I am bit of a sucker for convenience and often eat the lovely tortellinis from Sainsburys. I only add pesto or a tomato sauce and it's heaven in a bowl in under 5 min. I end up eating this every second night, until...I looked at the calorie count on the packet.

1/2 a packet contains 420 calories

I usually eat 1/2.  OK 2/3rds.  OK ALL of it. Then add the sauce. That's practically 1000 calories that I slam into my face every night, whilst wondering why I am not losing weight. I. Am. A. Retard!!!!

                                                                source
                                                   

I threw the pack of delicious filled tortellini in the bin and high-tailed it back to Sainsbury's to purchase some more appropriate calorated food.


LMM

xoxo

Ode to the female retard...

Last night I saw a patient. She was 29. She. Was. Also. A. Retard!

"So I put in a tampon today and now I can't find it! I even asked my boyfriend to look but he can't find it either."

Deep breath in!

This is excatly what I feel like doing at 11pm, hunting for a lost tampon.

"Are you sure you didn't take it out and that you don't remember!"

"I definitely didn't take it out. And I am worried as I've forgotten to take one out before for 3 weeks and it was really gross and........"

STOP right there! I do not want details.


I examine her and do not find the "lost" item.

"It's definitely not there. Maybe try remembering if you remove it or not next time, or write it down."

eg......

10:00am - insert tampon

16:00pm - insert ANOTHER tampon

04:00 - realise I am a retard and rush to the ER in the middle of the night

Note to self: do NOT procreate!!!

So this week's tip: Keep track of your tampon :)
LMM

xoxo