Psychiatric Hell

                                                                          source

Yesterday I had to go and see a psychiatric patient. I don't usually see these kind of patients, unless they are all kinds of crazy in the labour ward, which is common. This woman gave birth the previous day and had been all kinds of crazy during delivery AND BEYOND! She had threatened to kill her baby and now I had to go and make sure her uterus and vagina were safe. I didn't really care, I just wanted to see her and get the hell out of there.

I had to get directions to her lock up ward. It was in the dark recesses of the hospital. So far away, I had to get directions. I arrived it to find it to be a real LOCK-UP ward, with a security guard to let me in. I was then lead through to a row of individual steel cells. I had no idea how crazy this lady would really be and suddenly I was on the inside of the cell and the nurse had closed the door behind her. EEK!

Said crazy lady was sitting on her bed reading a magazine. She looked harmless, but looks can be deceiving when dealing with the crazies. I slowly went over to her and started to ask her questions about her birth. She rattled on about unrelated things and I quickly did my exam. She was perfectly fine and I made my way to the door to be let out. No one opened up for me. I then started frantically banging on the door, afraid I would never see the light of day. Eventually the nurse opened the barricade and I high tailed it out of there!

Hope that doesn't happen again soon!


LMM

xoxo

F&%king C-R-A-Z-Y

I have said this countless times, although I never can quite say it enough...

NOTHING and I say nothing, brings out the crazy like a woman in labour!



I was on call on Friday night. It was the usual combo of millions of caesars and fun and games in the labour ward. When you have worked in a labour ward for a while, you don't even notice the screaming of women giving birth. It just becomes the norm to have shrieking, grunting and even crying as background noise.

ENTER 19 year old patient.......no....19 year old CRAZY patient! This patient definitely used drugs. No amounts of morphine could dull her pain and she only weighted 45kg. This little package of dynamite came without front teeth, a foul mouth and with the biggest attitude I have ever seen. During labour, she broke expensive equipment that monitors the baby's heart rate, swore at me on multiple occasions, pinched me and even tried to hit me. Her favourite was to scream "Mooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyy" during each contraction. I eventually phoned her Mom, thinking she might instill some sanity. She was a 20 year older version of the patient, and now I had 2 of them to deal with.

As the baby's head was crowning, she refused to push, instead choosing to stick her hands into her vagina. How this was going to help, I did not know, unless she wanted to deliver her own baby, anyhoo. The absolute best was when she started pinching her own nipples and screaching "Jesus!". The baby's head had not moved a millimetre. When we ordered her to push, she grunted with all her might, yet the baby's head went nowhere. Eventually after much coaxing the little thing was born absolutely flat and very lifeless. After giving it some oxygen and good rub down, it eventually started crying. As I dried the small infant, I said to it...
"Sorry small baby, but your Mom is fucked in the head. Your life will not be easy!"

Mean, but true!



LMM

xoxo

Crazy

Why are there so many crazy people in this world?

Last week I saw 8 crazy patients in one day. When I say crazy, what I actually mean is properly F*%ked in the head!


Patient 1:

He decided to OD on paracetamol....AGAIN! It is probably his 20th attempt to kill himself. Funny thing is he never quite takes enough tablets to do it, but enough that the ambulance brings him in.


Patient 2:

Sees aeroplanes flying into buildings.


Patient 3:

Has "fake" seizures. Most amusing to watch. Her whole body shakes when doctors are around. Disappear and they stop.


Patient 4:

Drunk. Looks homeless. Thinks the water in his flat is poisonous so he comes to the hospital to drink the water from the water cooler.


Patient 5,6, 7:

Just your normal crazy


Patient 8:

Swallows things. She deserves her own post and I will tell you more about her later this week!





LMM

xoxo




Giveaway ends today and the winner is......me! (nobody entered so I will welcome these espadrilles to my growing collection of 3 pairs!)