Gluten Free

A few months ago I had the worst abdominal pain ever. I was dying. The Boyf even had to examine me. He isn't a very good doctor when I am the patient and always thinks I am overreacting. I went to writhe alone in pain in the sanctity of the spare room. I eventually had a scope, which was normal. The specialist gave me the pain-can-be-stress-related peptalk. I know that talk. I invented that talk. For patients who have nothing wrong with them.

So I decided to try cutting out different food groups and see if that helped. I decided I would do gluten, then dairy, then wheat. In that order.

I never got past gluten. After eating gluten free for a week, I felt like a new person. I shit you not. I know it sounds crazy, but it really made the world of difference. I used to have a bloated, sluggish, tummy ache for most of each day. It was gone! I used to get a headache nearly everyday and never go anywhere without my mini pharmacy in my handbag. The headaches were gone! I always felt tired. That was gone too.

My life had changed, but unfortunately so did every meal, going to dinner at friends.....and my one true love pizza. Many things contain gluten. Gluten is found in all flours, maizes, most cereals, breads, cakes, ALL Woolies pre made meals :( soya sauce and about a hundred other things. Eating gluten now is totally not worth it. If I do, it feels like an alien is eating away at the inside of my stomach and is about 10 times worse than my initial pain.

I have found various ways to still eat the things I love. Gluten free pizza bases. Colcacchio have them and so do some shops for making your own. Gluten free bread, gluten free flour (at most Pick n Pays in the health/nut section)and quinoa as a substitute for couscous (did I mention no couscous, sad I know).

This is one of my weekly meals now, homemade pizza and it doesn't taste bad at all!

Trust me you should at least try being gluten free for a few days.


LMM

xoxo

Dukan Fail

I have been avoiding writing this post, because to write it means I am admitting defeat.

Dukan Diet = epic fail

I really did try and I do have excuses, even though they are still just excuses.

My excuses:

1. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when in Belgium in the middle of nowhere at a rock festival where they only sell beer, sausages and glorious frites smothered in mayonnaise.

2. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when in Spain on la Rambla or in Mallorca when you are faced with a menu of wonderful paellas (which I ate everyday for 10 days straight)

3. it is very difficult to eat protein only or even protein and vegetables when you just don't feel like it because if you eat one more slice of turkey breast or one more flippin hard boiled egg.....you might just chunder 2 weeks worth of protein that dumbass Mr Dukan has suggested you eat.

I know....I've gotten to the anger stage. Now I am just in the I-will-eat-whatever-I-please-Mr-Dookey-Dookan.....childish I know!




LMM

xoxo

Dukan Disasters

It is Day 7 today and things are were plodding along nicely until the weekend. The sheer joy I have experienced at eating salads and veggies is totally out of proportion.

Yesterday we went to a good friend's baby shower. There were snacks. Of the carbohydrate nature. And cupcakes. And pita bread. I was dying a slow and painful death inside! The Boyf was having his own internal war. All The Boys were drinking BEER!

I did allow myself to be taken in by the Carb Monster and had a pita bread and a few fries........gulp.

The Boyf decided to stick to whiskey....the healthy choice. Pouring back the whiskeys at a steady pace, lead to the incongruous feeling of merriment at a baby shower :)

Anyway the evening ended with me feeling guilty and The Boyf cooking ALL the meat in our fridge at 00:00am in his state. I woke up this morning to the stench of meat............burnt meat. Oil splattered everywhere, a blocked sink and a snoring Boyf. Let us just say that we need a better strategy for public dining!

On another happy note. Tomorrow is Little Miss Medic's 100th post, so look out tomorrow for a fabulous giveaway that could be yours.

TTFN

LMM

xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 4 and Patient X

Today The ATTACK PHASE is over....whoop whoop!
This means that I get to add vegetables.........not potatoes though :(

Phase 2 - Cruise Phase

This is where you are supposed to continue losing weight at a steady pace. My cruise phase is going to last 28 days (depends on how much weight you have to lose). In this phase you alternate between protein only days and protein + veg days. I have chosen to do a ratio on 1:1, alternating the days as 5:5 would kill me.

So far I have lost 2 kgs and am excited to see how the next phase goes. This means that no carbs will touch my lips for 31 days...................ok, except my little sushi cheat.

Enough about the diet........



The other day I had a sixty-something year old man come to see me. He wanted STD testing....surprise, surprise! I waited for him to begin his ramble of how he did something stupid and it only happened once and he has been ridden with guilt......blah BLAH BLAH!

But he didn't..........

Patient X: I travelled to Hong Kong recently and at my hotel I went for a massage.

LMM: Yes.... (massage seems to be the euphimistic term for getting it on)

Patient X: I had only booked a back massage and suddenly during the massage, the woman licked her fingers and inserted them into my anus.

LMM:.......gasp......(jaw drops to floor)

Patient X: I was so shocked at the time and immediately left. I have been worrying about it constantly since then and if they do this kind of thing, they must surely do other things. This led me to think that I might have contracted an STD.

LMM: The risk is low, but it definitely is a possibility. I would suggest testing.

Patient X: Is this a common practice? Am I so out of the loop that I misunderstood what a massage means?

LMM: No, not at all. But some of these institutions cater for other things as well and being Asia, they obviously assumed a man having a massage on his own, would want that.

Patient X: Well I felt violated and was horrifed!

LMM: I understand.................................

5 minutes later he was on his way, anus swabbed, and feeling better. His results came back clear and he would definitey think twice about getting a massage in the future.

Shame...poor guy..........


LMM


xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 3

The rest of yesterday was the worst day yet! I tried to survive on only yoghurts as the thought of eating more meat made me want to chunder. I was naughty and bought sushi on the way home. It only has a "TINY" bit of rice. Probably why when I stepped on the scale again this morning....

NADA




Nought




Zero




Niks..............................still the same weight.....sigh........


So you're probably getting bored of me talking about how I can't eat any more protein and rambling on about this stupid diet...........so I'll stop.


Instead enjoy this.........

I can watch this over and over and its always still funny.


Have a great Youth Day South African's!


LMM

xoxo

Dukan Diet Day 2

If you haven't read Day 1, click here.



The meat is killing me.....literally!!!!!

I cannot force another little piece into my mouth.....NO MORE!


The rest of Day 1 was painful. For lunch I had grilled chicken breast, some ham and prawns. I ate one prawn and almost vomitted, so the rest got binned. Nausea and seafood don't really go well together. Have been feeling really dehydrated but am drinking shitloads and peeing like a donkey.

I barely made it through the day. Was feeling so tired and almost fell asleep while a patient was describing how some prostitute shoved her fingers up his bum.......

Went for dinner at a friend's house and had prewarned her about evil Dukan Dookie. She had also been following the diet and we had amazing kebabs and trout. (Thanks Cath!)

Yesterday I lost 1 kg, this morning I got on the scale and...........NOTHING!........not even 100g.......FUCK! Not sure if I can do this with no results. This sucks! I know its only Day 2 but it feels like Day 22 and I am getting ahead of myself by thinking of Day 7....ARRRGGGHHHHH!

No meat for breakfast, it really cannot be done. I had a yoghurt and stuffed my work bag with more yoghurts in preparation for my avoidance of meat.

Note: Vegans be warned.....you might DIE! if you do this diet! Literally!

Have you done any diets resulting in death?

LMM

xoxo

Calorie Counter

Yip it's that time of the week again!

I wanted to share something with you that has helped me tremendously. Its a calorie counting website which lets you log what you've been eating. It's great for warding off the "Winter bulge" or if you're in the Southern Hemisphere, keeps you looking beach perfect.

I have used this everytime I feel like I am eating too much crap and want to keep things under wrap. Basically it takes your weight, height etc and calculates how many calories you should be consuming each day. The great thing is after logging on your daily food, it tells you what main food groups, vitamins etc you are lacking and puts everything into a graph. Also you can enter in daily exercise, which means you get more calories to eat!!!!!

It has every food under the sun, calculated into calories, protein, fat, carbs and minerals.....all ready for you to access.

It does take time to find all the foods initially, but if you eat them often, tag them and they will be saved for future use.

Get ready to be healthy and slim by using calorie count!!!!

Good Luck - let me know how its going.

LMM

xoxo