Ocsober

The Boyf has decided to do Ocsober (no drinking for the entire month of October). I have decided to be a good girlfriend and join him in this retarded endeavour.

After seeing annoying patients all day, all I want is a glass of red wine.

A big glass.

Maybe two.

Fuck this is going to be hard!

Are you doing Ocsober?



LMM

xoxo

Mrs Butternut

Today was the dreaded gynae clinic. By far my least favourite afternoon of the week.

Enter Mrs Butternut, a 84 your old lady with Alzheimer's.


Little Miss Medic: How can I help you today Mrs Butternut?

Mrs Butternut: Well, I have this thingy that has been coming out my vagina. And I need some cream for it.

LMM: What exactly has been coming out?

MB: I'm not sure.

LMM: How long has it been there?

MB: 20 years. But it doesn't worry me, I just need some cream as it gets a bit dry.

LMM: OK, well let's take a look and then we can see what needs to be done.

*Mrs Butternut gets undressed behind the curtain. As I remove the sheet to examine her, I see...

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Yip! A huge, fucking butternut-sized mass hanging out her vagina *


LMM: Mrs Butternut, you can not possibly have been walking around with that hanging out for 20 years.

MB: I have. It doesn't bother me. Like I said, I just need some cream.

LMM: This is ridiculous, your whole vagina is on the outside of your body. Hence why it is so dry. It honestly looks like a baby trying to come out. You can not go home like this. I'm going to insert a ring pessary, to hold it up.

MB: I don't need all these fancy things, just some cream.

LMM: Cream is not going to do anything. That's like having a one-legged man in an ass kicking competition.


Now if this story scares you, and you want to prevent a vaginal butternut from happening, don't forget your kegels Ladies!!!!

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And if all else fails, use some cream!


LMM

({})

xoxo

Just for Laughs

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Happy Phuza Thursday!

LMM

xoxo

Males and their sport

The other day one of my BFFs were ranting about our significant others and their attachment to sports matches. I have come home many an afternoon, to find The Boyf watching the same cricket final from 1992, in which mullets and the tightie whites reign supreme. He urges me to watch the second ball from the 22nd over, "the one where we bowl an amazing wicket". When I ask why he keeps watching the same match that he has memorized by heart, he replies with a, "but it's so awesome!"

I know I watch a lot of shit TV, from Keeping up with The Kardashians to Honey Boo Boo, but I don't get the point of watching the same match over and over. On a sport filled Saturday, The Boyf has to watch the rugby match build-up from 2 hours before the match. Then the match, during which time talking is strictly prohibited and compulsory snacks of beer and biltong must be had. Then comes the overweight has-beens of rugby, talking about the match. And if that's not enough then come the highlights and 3 hours later, the same fucking match gets watched! It's soul destroying!

I'd far rather watch this!


LMM

xoxo