Baby's On Fire

I can't get enough of Die Antwoord's latest music video. It's almost like having to look at a car crash, you can't stop yourself. The more I watch it the more I like it...

My favourite part is when she sings the lyrics "a techno beat" and this overweight black girl dances in the periphery, flipping hilarious.

The lyrics are some thing else, "you know me, but ek ken jou nie", "oh jere, God se Jesus" and "bly maar motherfu*%ers". 






LMM

xoxo

The Vagina

There are many different words for this female organ...

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Many of the patient's I see like to use a particular word that I am not particularly fond of......poes

I looked up this word and came up with this funny site.

Other options:


box

coochi

fanny

pink

toe

vag

fifi

choot

cookie

beaver

whispering eye (euphemistic)


And in the world of the cellphones...

({})

Descriptions relating to the vagina...

twat - vaginal idiot

flange - undesirable vagina

LMM

xoxo

Laugh for the Day

My friend Caroline told me about this little girl...

Love her little sidekick random cousin. They even made it onto Ellen...

LMM

xoxo

Daily Drama

I have been MIA the last few days at work. It feels like everything has been work related :(

In the early hours of Monday morning, a woman came into the hospital in labour. She was promptly examined and then put on the CTG (cardiotocography) machine, which measures the baby's heart rate. The CTG looked terrible! It was a pre-terminal trace, which means that the baby is about to die and is in severe fetal distress. I phoned the anaethetist and paediatrician, and we had the patient in theatre, ready for a caesar, in under 5 minutes.

As I was scrubbing for the operation, I asked the scrub sister to start scrubbing too. She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language and walked away. She needed to open the instrument pack and get everything ready so we could start. I was gowned and gloved up, and STILL waiting for her.

Little Miss Medic: Sister X, can we please get started? This is a fetal distress!

Sister X: ...............

*silence*

LMM: Please can you bring in the trays so we can start!

Sr X: I neeed to count the instruments first Doctor.

LMM: By the time you count everything, the baby will be dead!

Sr X: .........................

LMM: Scalpel please?

Sr X: I am still counting...

I was literally standing over the patient, listening to the seconds tick by as this baby was being deprived of oxygen. I eventually ran and grabbed the scalpel from the setting room and started incising the abdomen. Unfortunately I had to cut through all the layers, straight down to the uterus. I had the baby out in seconds and luckily it gave a gusty first cry! I clamped my hand around the cord, waiting for Sister Retard to appear out of her instrument cave.

I had to spend the last hour of my horrific call, filing a complaint against her.

LMM

xoxo

Today...

I needed to brighten up my day with Essie.

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Essie in Angora Cardi 

What are your latest fave nail colours?

LMM

xoxo

Meet Bella

We adopted our second furkid almost 2 weeks ago. She is a daschund, jack russell cross and too cute for words.

Am I not the cutest?

Max and Bella

I love my brother!

These two munchkins have been keeping me on my toes. From a destroyed bathroom to poo in every crevice, stay tuned for the adventures of The Furkids!

LMM

xoxo

Cape Town Book Fair

I am going to Cape Town Book Fair today. Couldn't imagine anything better to do on a Sunday, than peruse books and be inspired!

What are you up to today?

LMM

xoxo

Note: Cape Town Book Fair is next weekend, realised this as I arrived to an empty CTICC :(

The Clinic

Anyone who works in a Government hospital, hates going to the "clinic". The clinic is the place where you see outpatients and there are usually about a million of them, who have been queued up since 6 am to see you. Each discipline has a clinic and we all feel the same why about the clinic.

This week I have been in the clinic.

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Little Miss Medic: Hello. I'm Little Miss Medic. How are you today?

Pregnant Mommy 1: Fine thank you.

LMM: *looks at file* So you aren't sure how pregnant you are. We will need to do a scan to see how far you are.

PM1:  Will you be able to tell me the colour of the baby's eyes?

LMM: Um...No.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LMM: So when was your last period?

Pregnant Mommy 2: I don't know.

LMM: OK. Let's feel your tummy then.... You must be very early. Your tummy is very flat still......OK let's do a scan to see how far you are.

*Ultrasound room*

LMM: *stares blankly at screen*

LMM: You aren't pregnant. How did you even get into this clinic?

PM2: I have a cough.

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LMM: Good morning. How are you today?

Pregnant Mommy 3: I'm fine. But I have this pain in my head and in my toes. The pain is there all the time and then when I sneeze, my left nipple hurts.

LMM: Um...OK.

PM3: Do you have any of that porridge they give to the TB patients?

LMM: What?

PM3: You know. The porridge the TB patients get for free?

LMM: No. We don't............................Do you by any chance use Tik?

PM3: Yes.

LMM: When did you last use?

PM3: This morning. So do you have any of that free TB porridge?

LMM: No!

.......................................................................................................................

LMM: Hello, how are you feeling today?

Pregnant Mommy 4: Doctor, my shit is black.

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LMM

xoxo

Latest Read

I haven't done a book post for a while and it's probably because I haven't been reading a lot lately. Living in London, one spends a large portion of the day commuting to and from work. I used this time to listen to my iPod and whizzed through loads of books. Now that I am back in Cape Town; driving to work, coming home to two adorable puppies, who need loads of love and attention, the books have fallen by the wayside.

A colleague told me about this book and I absolutely HAD to read it.

This true story follows Lawrence Anthony as he inherits a herd of rogue, violent elephants. He has no choice  but to take them, saving them from death. His game reserve, Thula Thula, becomes their home, as he fights for their survival, their trust, and finally their friendship.

Lawrence with Nana, the Matriarch.    source

Think this would make a brilliant movie, except for the impossibility of having an elephant as the main lead.

LMM

xoxo

Weekend Life

All I can say is thank goodness the weekend is over! Strange for most people, but after working this weekend, I am longing for a mundane Monday of 8-4.

This weekend I:

• started reading 13 Hours by Deon Meyer, seems brilliant so far
• had to tell a patient she was HIV positive. Never an easy thing.
• cuddled with my two furkids on the couch. Yes, we got another one. Bella. Pics to follow
• worked 30 hours with no sleep
• watched the Comrades Marathon in a comatose sleep deprived state (always inspires me to vow to do it one day and then I realise how that will probably never happen).

source

Sleep tight! I know I will.

LMM

xoxo