Retards

Some people are just plain retarded. I'm not sure if they were born this way, or if they have taken too many drugs.......

Today we got this email:


"Hello. I am 5ft 3 inches tall and would like to increase my height by 5 inches, in the shortest time possible. Will a consultation with a GP help me solve my problem?"


NO! You dumbass! Unless we can perform miraculous limb lengthening surgery in your 15 minute time slot. Go back to reading your comics.


Hope a retard does not inflict their retardedness on you today!


LMM

xoxo

LMM gets boozed

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Last night I went out for dinner to celebrate a friend's 30th birthday. It was a casual dinner with a few glasses of red wine, but I had forgotten what a lightweight I had become in the last year. I don't drink often anymore and if I do, it is usually only a glass or two of wine or a G&T.

Thinking back on the evening, I don't recall behaving badly, though if I think really hard, I may have been a tad loud and interrupted a few conversations. I arrived home from the evening to find The Boyf happily engrossed in the cricket. I decided to shower and go to bed as I had an early start the next day. Our shower is of the shower-over-bath variety and has a fold up glass partition that opens up to prevent drenching the entire floor. I couldn't for the life of me get it to open up. I pulled and yanked but it would not open. I shrieked for the Boyf to help me, but he refused saying I was drunk and should just go to sleep. I continued huffing and puffing whilst trying to figure out what was wrong with the damn door. Evetually I grabbed it from the other side and it miracously opened. It might have not been stuck and I may have been grabbing it from the wrong side the whole time. I eventually climbed into bed, clean and tired, but had completely forgotten the obligatory glass of water and painkillers before bed, this ritual had saved me on many occasions.

I woke up at 6am with a dry mouth that tasted like urinated on cotton wool and a slight pounding in my temples, which would only get worse as the day progressed. I went to the kitchen and immediately downed a can of coke light for breakfast. Next I had to make myself presentable for work. After examining myself in the mirror I could see the telltale signs that I had indeed been inebriated. Mascara was congealed in the corners of my eyes, something I always religiously remove before bed. My lower lip was stained purple as were my teeth. GREAT! I know from experience that no matter how hard you try and rub your lips, that won't come off for the next 24 hours. I would have to proceed through the day with a violet, round blob on my lip! I tried to brush my lip with my electric toothbrush with no success. I now had a red/purple painful lip.

Eventually, ready to go, I left home for the tube station. There was only one thing that would get me through the day and that was Gaga.......


"He ate my heart, he ate my heart. He ate my heart and then he ate my brain......."

That is exactly how I feel right now......

LMM

xoxo

Amy Jade Winehouse

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The shocking news that Amy Winehouse was found dead in her Camden house on Saturday afternoon, has left me feeling pity and sadness for the 27 year old star. Rumours have emerged that she had been seen buying ectasy on Friday night and that a possible OD or "bad" tablet could've been the cause of death.

Amy was born in September 1983 to mother Janis and father Mitch. She attended the Sylvia Young Theatre School, but was asked to leave due to her attitude. Her first album Frank, went triple platinum and her second album, Back to Black won 5 Grammy Awards. Her most famous song, Rehab, is said to have been written a few hours after manager Simon Fuller urged her to go to rehab. In 2007 she married Blake Fielder-Civil and the marriage was one filled with alcohol, booze and fighting. She had a near fatal OD months after tying the knot and the marriage ended in divorce in 2010. Blake is currently in prison serving a burglary sentence and Amy always described him as the only person that really understood her.

Her current on-off boyfriend, film director Reg Traviss has described Winehouse as "inconsolable" at times. In the last few weeks of her life, she was using heroin, crack and cocaine heavily and the rest of her tour was cancelled after a inebriated performance in Belgrade, in which the crowd sang most of the songs as Amy stumbled around on stage. Her last appearance was on Wednesday at the iTunes festival where she was on stage with protege and goddaughter Dionne Bromfield.

Doctors had warned Winehouse of the disasterous effects her lifestyle would cause. She had emphysema already and would die if she didn't stop drinking and using soon.

As fans mourn the loss of great star, her Back to Black album has gone to number 1 on iTunes, knocking Adele's 21 album off the top.

She was a tormented soul but produced the most brilliant music and fans all around are hoping that the third album, which she had been working on for the past 5 years will be released posthumously.

This is how I will always remember her.......

Amy Jade Winehouse
14 September 1983 - 23 July 2011
RIP



LMM
xoxo

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LMM

xoxo