Hello my lovelies. Sorry I have been MIA for the past few days, work has just been so hectic and I am still finding my feet. I did my first call on Friday night. This basically involves starting work on Friday morning at 8am and then working till 12pm the next day. For the last 2 years the longest shift I have done, has been a meager 12 hours, so I was shitting myself. How would I stay awake? I also accidentally left my CROCS in the UK. You can diss them all you want, they are ugly, they are fucking ugly! BUT they are heaven to wear when you have been going for 22 hours straight. I wore my New Balance trainers from 2001. They did not do the job and my poor feet were left feeling very tender when I got home.
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The call went OK. I didn't get any sleep, but was so busy I didn't even feel tired. Everything was going well until 4am. A pregnant lady came in who had been at the clinic for 8 hours. Her baby was in fetal distress (not getting enough oxygen) and she should have been referred HOURS ago. We rushed her to theatre. I did the caesar and pulled out a blue, not breathing baby. The baby was resuscitated for 30 minutes but died a few hours later. It was a horrific event for a first call back and I was an emotional wreck afterwards. As I counselled the mother, she started to cry and I have a strict rule, never to be emotional in front of patients. But I couldn't. I balled like baby and have been carrying this heaviness with me ever since. I know things don't always turn out as expected and there is a lot of loss in the medical field, but it was too much for me to handle. I really don't want a death to be like water off a duck's back, to me it is still huge and if I am not touched by it, I know I have lost my humanity.
RIP
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LMM
xoxo
