Dear Santa

I have been such a good girl and wanted to send you my "TO DIE FOR" Christmas List.

Chloe boots

Michael Kors boots

Carolina Herrera 212 VIP perfume

Burberry wallets

And to note......I absolutely love brown paper packages tied up with string!

And if you don't make it for Christmas, my birthday is next month :)

Love Little Miss Medic

What do you want for Christmas?



The White Woman on the Green Bicycle

The White Woman on the Green Bicycle
by Monique Roffey

This is my latest read, which was on the Orange Prize 2010 Shortlist. It was an interesting read and I have mixed feelings as to whether I loved it, or liked it. It is set in Trinidad and spans the 60 years of George and the main character, Sabine's immigration to Trinidad. It is full of the politics of the West Indies, the heat and the disintegration of their marriage, as each one becomes more entwined into their seperate lives. George revels in the freedom and tempting lifestyle, whereas Sabine battles with the sweltering humidity and the racial toils that are rife in the country.

I fully escaped into this life and could feel the intense heat of the country, even though I was bundled up in my duvet, amidst the snow. Monique Roffey has a wonderful way with words, that makes the sentences effortlessly fall off the page. all in all a great read.

Read it!



Meet Khuzwayo

Time to meet another legendary patient.................


I met Khuzwayo in 2008, whilst I was working in a Medical Ward. It was supposed to be a stepdown medical ward, but was in fact a psych ward. Khuzwayo was a psych patient. He. Was. CRAZY!

Every morning I would arrive in the ward and prepare to start seeing all the patients. I would start in the front and make my way to the back of the ward. Khuzwayo's bed was at the back, but he could not wait there patiently for me to see him. Every few minutes he would come running up to me. Each day he had a new riddle for me and they went something like this........

Day 1      "Tell me Dokotela, what is the relationship between you and a parachute?"

Day 2      "Dokotela, what is the realtionship between you and paradise?"

Day 3      "One question, what is the realtionship between you and a parasite?"

and so it went on......each day a new question, always with the prefix para-

Initially I would try to answer these riddles, but after a while I would simply ask him to go back to his bed and stop bothering me. Khuzwayo demanded an answer and attention, and if he didn't get either he would unceremoniously, without fail, collapse to the floor and start to have a "seizure".

I call it a "seizure" because it wasn't in the slighest wave, shape or form a real one, but regardless he would start jerking his body and if you were lucky some drool would come out of the corner of his mouth. The first time he did this I called the nurse for some valium and she swiftly told me....

"Eish, that Khuzwayo is a faker. Don't believe his silly ways. Just leave him!"
On any given day, one could see Khuzwayo running around various parts of the hospital grounds. His ward was a lockdown ward, but being somewhat of a Houdini, he would always manage an escape. One day whilst driving towards the gate to leave the Hospital, I saw him lying on the ground, having a "seizure", whilst security gurads rushed to his aid. He had one eye open, to survey the situation and as they approached him, he made a full "recovery" and sprinted away.

Ah Khuzwayo.......



Happy Anniversary

So today is my and the Boyf's anniversary. I decided to do a mushy, feel good post.
All of the best romantic movies rolled into one with an awesome song as the soundtrack. Some of my ABSOLUTE favourites: Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook and Romeo and Juliet (Baz Luhrman's and Franco Zeffirelli's version).
Love it!!!!!!!



Crazy Beauty Tricks

The secrets of ageless beauty is something that women have been striving for since the beginning of time. I am going to volunteer myself to try out various beauty tricks for your benefit. That way, I can weed out the dodgey ones and let you know which ones really work. Some I've found are very mild, such as the orange body scrub or beer and mayonnaise hair treatment, but others are simply horrid and I'm not sure I love my readers that much.......bird faeces facial cream????.......or.......snake massage....

NO WAY! I have a snake phobia.

How about slug sludge....

Faeces seems to be a big topic. In Ancient Iran, hair was dyed using henna, tadpole faeces and cow's blood. In Geisha culture, bird faeces were applied to the face as part of make-up and in Ancient Greek culture, crocodile faeces were used to stop the ageing process.

So I propose that you come up with some of the things that you have heard about, but are to scared to try out, or simply don't have the time. Just post a comment and I will carry on researching weird and wonderful tricks.



Blonde Moments

Being blonde, I have spent most of my life being plagued by the infamous "blonde moment". I do tend to have a few, but as I have 'matured', they seem to be few and far between...except for today.........

I am locuming in a practice this week that does mainly travel vaccines and STD testing. Most of the patients are rich business men who want to come somewhere discreet to make sure their naughty night-time endeavours haven't left them infected.

Today I was doing an instant HIV test on someone. This involves doing a fingerprick test and using a drop of blood with a kit. As I was pricking his finger, I suddenly felt a sharp prick in my finger. I tried not to scream out in pain, as I quickly realised that I had inadvertently held the gadget the wrong way and punctured my own finger. I quickly told him that this one was faulty and got another one. I had to repeat it and try to hide the slowly growing red patch beneath my glove. I think I managed to disguise my little faux pas, but I felt like a right idiot. Not to mention that my finger is now throbbing!

Another gem of a story, and this one is rather embarrassing, was when I was a fourth year medical student doing my Obstetrics rotation. Seeing this was my first time rotating through this discipline, I basically knew NOTHING. One of the skills we had to learn was how to do a PV exam. PV stands for per vaginal, and involves doing a vaginal exam with your fingers. Sounds gross and it is gross.
One of the first exams I did was on a coloured woman in labour. I slipped on my gloves and prepared myself for what I was about to do. As I inserted my fingers, she suddenly screamed,

"Fok nee, dis die verkeerde gat!"

I had unintentionally done a PR (per rectum).........OOPS!




Spent this Saturday afternoon curled up on the couch watching the latest in the Saw series. I have been an avid fan of all the movies, although the last two have left me a bit disappointed. This one however, is BRILLIANT! Just the right amount of gore and twists. It begins with a gruesome scene of two loan officers who have to go head to head to cut off some of their own flesh. The one who hacks off more flesh in weight, wins and ultimately survives. Sounds repulsive, but I was on the edge of my seat, and it was an exceptional opening!

This movie answered a lot of questions and I loved finding out about Jigsaw's widow and how it all started with Amanda. But yet again, there are so many unanswered puzzles that there is undeniably going to be a SAW VII. Woo Hoo!

Watch it!



Minnie Mouse

Today I would like to introduce you to Minnie Mouse. Let me take a moment to digress....When famous celebs check into hotels, they often use fake names. I had a patient who did that today...

Enter Minnie Mouse...

She didn't actually call herself that, but I like the ring to it. I have seen a lot of kinds of crazy before. Working in psych wards, you get to see all colours of the rainbow when it comes to psych patients. But today I got to see a new kinda crazy. Minnie Mouse, is what you would call a board certified LOON!

She came in today to get tested for HIV as she had slept with someone 10 days ago and the condom fell off. She had waited painstakingly for those 10 days to elapse, because you can only do the test after 10 days.

She walked into the room and before I could say anything...

"So I had sex with this guy and I think I might have HIV. Could I have HIV? Do you think I have it? Tell me as a friend, be honest. Do I have HIV?....." and HIV is pronounced Hach-I-V in England.

"OK, calm down and tell me what happened and why you think you could have HIV," I replied evenly.

She tells me the story and suddenly bursts into tears. She fishes boxes of tablets out of her handbag.

"See I'm very anxious so I have to take all of these pills. They keep me calm, but I haven't been taking them. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm going to die! I have HIV!"

This continues for another 20 minutes.

"I gave a fake name, cos I'm worried the bank will see that I've tested and not give me a loan....." hence the Minne Mouse. And since when did HSBC have the power to access medical records?

"I am so worried. Do you think I have HIV? I am never going to have sex EVER again!" Ya right!

I took her bloods after showing her the clean needle 4 times and then proceeded to complete the forms.

"The blood results will be out in 4-5 working days, so that means you can phone us on Monday for the results." I explained.

"Why does it take so long? Do they go overseas?" she squeaked.

"No, its just that the test is specialised and takes that long to be performed."

"Ok, I'll just stay here and wait for the results then, " she stated matter of factly.

"Well you can't stay here for 4 days, that just isn't possible,"  RETARD!

"So you will start the test now?"

"No, it has to go to a lab. We send it via courier and then they start the test."

I start filling out the from.

"Can you mark that urgent and ask it to be ready for Saturday?"

"I can mark it urgent, but it takes 4-5 days so it won't be ready then." How many more times must I explain this?

"But can you write for Saturday on it?"

"Ok, I will." I mark it urgent, but leave out the Saturday as the Lab will think that I'm a retard.

"Can I see the form, so I can check you wrote Saturday?"  Good God!!!!

I reluctantly hand over the form.

"You didn't write Saturday," she said accusingly.

"Ok, I'll add it!"

"Can I see now, I need to make sure."

I hand over the form, where I have added Saturday in miniscule writing.

"Can I wait for the courier, so I can ask him to make it for Saturday?"

"No, you can't. he just collects the sample and takes it to the Lab. Please don't harrass him, he has nothing to do with the test."

"But can I just see him and have a chat with him?"


"Ok, can I just see you give the blood to him?"

I am going to kill this woman!

She ended up waiting in the reception area and plaguing the receptionist, for the next hour, pleading her to tell her that she didn't have HIV. She finally left and for the next 3 days she phoned every 2 hours to see if the results are back. People like that should not have sex. EVER.



Little Miss Sad

The last few days have been extremely rough and I have aptly renamed myself Little Miss Sad. The light at the end of the tunnel is looking very far away and my dream to travel Europe next Summer, is looking even further away. I suppose the first few months of moving to a new country are always difficult and I must just persevere and it will get better. If you are feeling sad like me, here is a poem which describes how I feel.

ALONE: An Anthem For Humanity

Don't give me solitude

Because I'll have to try

To dig among my thoughts

To find a reason why.

Please busy me with work.

If there's time let me drink.

Give me philosophy

So I don't have to think.

Create more stuff to buy;

I'll shop until I drop.

Speed up the human race;

I never want to stop.

My Blackberry I need,

Computer and TV,

To occupy my mind;

Alone I cannot be.

(found here)



HIV Myths

Having spent the whole of last week testing people for HIV, I thought I might share some of the myths that people have come up with.

1. You cannot get HIV from kissing. One guy was absolutely hell bent on testing for HIV after kissing someone "dodgy". I explained to him that unless, both of them were bleeding profusely from their tongues, there was no risk.

2. You cannot get cured from HIV by having sex with a virgin. Unfortunately this is a big one in Sub-Saharan Africa. Traditional healers would tell this to clients and this started the epidemic of the raping of young children. Absolutely horrific!

3. HIV is not spread only by gay people, IV drug users or African people. Minnie Mouse, one of the patients that you will meet later this week in Flashback Fridays, reassured herself that her partner was not HIV positive because he was not from Africa, not gay or a drug user. Wake up! HIV is everywhere. It affects people from all walks of life.

4. You can't get HIV from oral sex. I have seen so many people who have had sex with a condom, but not with oral sex. They then read up online about HIV and have a freak out that they didn't use a condom for oral sex too. How many bored housewives or business men are completely ignorant? Too many!

5. You can't get HIV through sex if you didn't take off your clothes. This is the best one. Saw a young chinese man, who had visited a prostitute. He had chickened out when it came time to perform the deed, but there was some rubbing, although he remained fully clothed. He was insistent that he could have contracted the disease. This is the complete other extreme, and I eventually had to do an HIV test.

6. ARVS don't help. See the movie below.

Be informed!


ARVS do work!


World AIDS Day

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. Am working in a swanky, posh GP practice and only finish work when it has already been dark for 3 hours :( Stay tuned to hear all about it and see some pics.

Today marks the start of HIV Awareness Month, with the 1st of December being World Aids Day.

Hope this video inspires, shocks and saddens you. HIV is a HUGE problem! What are you going to do about it?
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